While I was getting my graduate degree in gifted educational psychology, there was a topic that I found enthralling. The misdiagnosis of giftedness as mental illness. Of course, this topic has the potential to cause some harm, if individuals with true mental illnesses refuse treatment based on the theories, but others could actually be saved.
It’s been a while since I’ve written on here, and there’s one solid reason for that… I’ve been working.
For a person without bipolar disorder, that’s just a normal part of their daily life. Wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, etc. But for me, working is the hardest part of my bipolar disorder. I work with children, 7th graders to be exact, and for most people 120 of them would be exhausting on a good day. I love them to death, but it feels like they are killing me every single day. I also teach a large number of low income students, which comes with its own set of challenges. Cultural differences are definitely a real obstacle in the teacher/student relationship no matter how hard you try to understand and encorporate different cultures into your classroom.
I leave work beyond exhausted, I go home feeling depressed from my lack of energy, then I start to feel anxious about going back the next day causing me to stay up all night. It’s a vicious cycle.
Before you say something, I am very aware that teaching is probably not for me so I am looking for another job, but teaching is a contract so you can’t just quit when you feel overwhelmed. Plus, it would be foolish to quit one job before getting another one, so I’m stuck for now.
My fear is that any new job is going to be just as difficult. I was diagnosed last year, so I haven’t had long to cope with the lifestyle changes that I need to be as healthy as I can be. I’ve changed my diet, started exercising, then stopped, then started again, worked on my sleep schedule, cut down on soda, as many things as I can handle. But the one thing I can’t seem to figure out is how to work effectively. I don’t know, maybe the job change would be the change I need.
Trying My Best to See 